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From : ***
Sent : Monday, September 8, 2003 8:35 AM
To : paulgermanos@msn.com
Subject : Whats up Big Guy?!
Dear Paul,
How are you?!
Was good to get your voice message…I figured there was a 1/50 chance that
you’d respond. So am pleasantly surprised. Lets see, its been awhile…what
to say…what to say?
For starters, the last time I saw you was in the checkout isle at the Jewel
on South York Rd in Elmhurst. You probably recognized me, but didn’t
acknowledge it. Anyhow, it was exactly two days after delivering my
daughter, *** – am sure I looked like hell – definitely not the way
you’d prefer an old flame to remember you (carrying about 60lbs extra). I
remember because we were coming from the hospital where my sister *** was
also delivering her first baby. Yes, we had them 2 days apart…pretty weird
huh? (I kid her that we were part of a governmental experiment – or
abducted by aliens on the same night). *** is going on 5 years old
now…at the moment we are sitting together in the living room of our
apartment watching movies…well, I’m writing to you and she’s watching.
O.k. what next…will fill you in a little on what I’ve been up to. In my
mid-twenties I quit the bands and mural business and went back to school
for a BS - entered a graduate program at the University of Chicago and got
a PhD in neurobiology and physiology…officially Dr. *** now. Am sure
that will make you laugh - cause who suspected there was any thought
processing capability under all that misguided hormonal drama and angst? Am
currently doing research in neuroscience at *** University in
California – near San Francisco. The cost of living is high and the pay
sucks - but it holds my interest. Have spent the last 7 years investigating
endocrinology and the neural pathways of the brain that are involved in
depression and anxiety disorders.
Now the relatively heavy stuff that I’ve been wanting to tell you for
awhile…as you were probably the single greatest influence on my life and
person in the formative young adult years (yes, frightening, I realize…and
not entirely sure you should take any pride in that!) – But, I wanted you
to know that your experience at Northern and the aftermath, followed by my
time in Madison had some lasting influence on me. Btw, I always kept that
picture of your friend…and you have been forefront in my mind throughout my
studies and in my work over the years.
What you went through when we were young in response to that tragedy was
tremendously difficult…especially since nobody around you knew what was
happening or how to deal with it. I’d guess that by now you know you
suffered pretty classic symptoms of ocd/ptsd and aren’t put off by my
talking about it so bluntly. And I’d assume that everything just got easier
for you with time (hopefully without having to self-medicate with copious
amounts of alcohol). From what I gathered from your online bio, it seems
that you have done a lot of cool stuff and live a pretty interesting life.
Obviously back when we were together I was the typical self-consumed
suburbanite girl and didn’t have any context for what had happened. Now I
could give you the cause and all the underlying neurology…at least the
little we know at this point in time…but to what end.. At times I wonder
how things might have been different for you, for us…ah but so long
ago…just kids. Anyhow, I’ve dedicated my time to this pursuit - trying to
uncover some biological basis for what it is that causes these events to
occur as well as depression and suicide - to possibly one day prevent
them…although that still seems a long way off. Sometimes I’m not so sure
people are worth saving from themselves…but the alternative is not to
try…and not an option.
Currently we are using virus to express proteins in a brain region called
the hippocampus – it’s the center for learning and memory…we are interested
in the effects of stress/anxiety on memory – and are sort of bridging over
into the field of gene therapy and memory enhancement. Not that humans
really need to get any smarter. Blah blah blah…enough – have to stop
myself before I bore you too much.
Its been a time of big changes for me. I just moved out here about 6 months
ago. We live in *** near the university. So far its been good. The
whole bean sprout mentality makes me a little crazy – its all tofu and raw
bar…you just can’t find an italian beef out here – and decent pizza? Forget
it!! So you know me…I’m suffering a bit. But the coast is amazingly
beautiful…the mountains and the ocean…the sun. There are miles and miles of
cliffs and beaches. You can find a little cove of your own to climb down
into and spend the whole day on your private beach without having to see
another person. I still collect stones – there are agates here along with
blackberries, raspberries, strawberries – lots of wild land around…so it
suits me.
*** and I have become weekend beach bums – this is a great place to be a
kid. Leaving Chicago, at least for a few years, is a good experience…I’m
probably at the best I’ve ever been out here on many levels. Actually was
even thinking recently about taking up surfing – except that some woman got
eaten by a great white shark down the coast a couple weeks ago – that kind
of extinguished my interest.
So, how about you? Did you ever get married? Have a family? Or are you the
eternal bachelor? Of course I’ve always wondered. I’m advising against
marriage these days…but that’s another story. I’ve been married for about
10 years and am currently going through a separation. It’s nothing
horrible. We had a good run…it just kind of ran out…
Anyway, don’t get concerned! Not sure that any of the above has much to do
with wanting to contact you again. Although its definitely a time filled
with nostalgia - when you start to go back and figure out who you are –
separate from the person you’ve spent the last decade with. But I’ve been
doing the Paul Germanos google search every so often for a couple years now
to no avail. Its just a strange coincidence that I finally came up with
something the other day… I usually just get a lot of web pages on Germanos
and the history of orthodox religion!
Either way, I hope that you are happy and have dodged a life of quiet
desperation. I heard about your father passing...sorry for that. Was he
ill? How is your mom doing? Your sisters – any kids? what do they do these
days? Is Muck the cat still around? Have you taken over the family home in
Elmhurst?
My folks are both still around. My mom has aged a lot and my dad is in his
mid-late 70s now…strange to watch them grow so old. My dad moved to door
county Wisconsin and has a cherry orchard there. My mom still lives in
Elmhurst and spends the summers at the farmhouse in Michigan. *** retired
at about 43 and moved to the upper peninsula of Michigan where she lives
alone out in the boonies in a log cabin on lake superior with her son. The
brothers are all doing their things…blah blah..
That’s the run down. All I really know about you to date is what I read in
that bio. Please fill me in on all the details. Did you join the police
force? A corrections officer…whats that like? Taxi driver? (have to laugh
because it makes me think of you with the Mohawk – in parallel with the
DeNiro character) What are you doing now? Do you still make art? Have you
given up wood for stone? Please write back asap and tell me everything. I
look forward to hearing from you.
All the best,
***
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